Posts in Love and Relationships
Go High, Ladies

The intention of this blog is to connect with fellow mamas and badass women along their paths, to share our experiences and our hearts openly, and to employ empathy to empower and encourage one another.But, here's a little secret: I find that really fucking hard. Yeah. Really. Fucking. Hard. Because sometimes we ladies make it hard to like each other.

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What Could Have Been

If I were measuring against the five stages of grief, I would say that I am currently in the "acceptance" stage 90% of the time. Which is a relief. A sweet, sweet relief. I've spent so much time in the anger and the depression phases, that I just feel relief to be mostly accepting of this situation. I still wish I weren't facing acceptance of the situation in front of me, so It doesn't necessarily feel "good." But I have resigned myself to what is, and there is solace in acceptance and letting go.

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Vern + Vern

I cried when I woke up last Wednesday morning and I kept crying for three more hours until the car pulled away and I could no longer see its shiny red bumper. That car held my sister and her family... and a little piece of my heart. A piece that is put back into place each time she and I are reunited, but it's painful — and I cry — each time my sister and that little piece of my heart drive or fly away from me. 

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Just, Hello and Stuff

Wow. I haven't written a single post this month. Sorry about that! Except, not really. Sorry, not sorry, because a shift has been underfoot as I approached my 34th birthday on the fourteenth of this month. A shift that required me to be silent and observe. Three months ago, the only way I that felt I could move forward and through my heartbreak and grief was to write — to expel and capture how I felt, and to try to make some sense of it. Right now, what feels right is to be quiet because so much is changing, so fast, for the better. 

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Night Terrors

I'm up at 3 AM from a nightmare again. It's always the same plot, just different characters inset: seeing my Ex with another woman right in front of me, actively rejecting me. I wake up at two or three or four AM and battle to calm my mind as it races through our story from front to back, reminding me of every sore point. And there are many, nearly endless, sore points. 

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Dear Brianna

As I was doing a final scrollie-scrollie through Pinterest before powering down for the night (don't judge, one monkey at a time), this Truthbomb from Danielle LaPorte dropped from the top of my screen to the bottom. I stopped and re-read it. "Grant Yourself Permission," it says. Yes, I thought to myself. Do give yourself permission. Please give me permission. And this letter began to write itself in my head.

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Sentimental Attachment

Letting go of attachment is where I have trouble. Because I don’t feel I chose this outcome, and I did not want to let go of him in the first place, I am clinging to emotional memories of my family’s short lifespan and the few physical things that hold positive associations. What I’m failing to acknowledge — or perhaps painfully acknowledging, yet fighting against — is that the meaning that was once attached to these things has been taken away. It’s hard to wrap one’s mind around the dissolution of meaning.

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The Loss of a Great Love

It was the intensity of our love that finally convinced me that such a connection was possible (I met my Ex very late in my twenties; if you missed it, you can read that story here), and while the window between when we fell in love and when our troubles began to unravel the threads was brutally short, it is an experience that I will never forget. It is precisely the reason I've had such a hard time letting go and an impossible time accepting that a love that truly felt so otherworldly and divine in its intensity and depth wasn't meant to last.

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Why I Don't Hate My Ex, And Neither Should You

Infidelity is a hot button topic. The mere mention of someone cheating on someone will send everyone in the vicinity (especially if those 'everyone's' are women) into a frenzy of emotionally-fueled opinions and judgments. Understandably, of course. Betrayal of the vulnerable human heart is one of the worst offenses in a relationship and the number one relationship fear, because it engages shame and vulnerability and wounds the heart and spirit so deeply and profoundly. 

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